PREDATOR TEACHER ABELARD CASTRATED BY SCHOOLGIRL’S UNCLE
DAUGHTERS SAFE NOW 1118 A.D. Paris, France Let this be a lesson to fathers all over Paris. Don’t allow your daughters to be tutored by philosophers. The well-respected canon, Fulbert,…
TRUMAN INAUGURATED, MOTHER-IN-LAW NOT IMPRESSED
STILL THINKS HE’S A FAILURE April 12, 1945 7:09 P.M. The Cabinet Room of the White House Washington, D.C. Harry Truman was sworn in as the 33rd President of the…
SUPREME COURT KILLS TROUBLEMAKER GENERAL BENJAMIN BUTLER
NINE LIKELY SUSPECTS January 11, 1893 Washington, D.C. Someone has finally killed Ben Butler. The Rebels of New Orleans couldn’t do it; the Brahmins of Boston couldn’t do it; Confederate…
BILLIONAIRE RECLUSE J. PAUL GETTY WILLS FORTUNE TO MALIBU LOVE CHILD
LEGITIMATE CHILDREN FURIOUS June 6, 1976 Sutton Place, England Jean Paul Getty, playboy billionaire, has died, and none of his legitimate children are getting his money. He’s left his vast…
TENZING NORGAY FIRST TO CLIMB EVEREST
(ALSO SOME FOREIGNER) May 29, 1953 11:30 A.M. Tibet Local Sherpa Tenzing Norgay climbed to the top of Chomolungma (which outsiders call Mount Everest) today. With him was an Australian…
CORPSE DOCTOR ANDREAS VESELIUS FINDS ADAMS RIB
SHOWMAN SURGEON PROVIDES PROOF AFTER 5,000 YEARS May 2, 1539 Padua Andreas Vesalius, the show-off surgeon, found Adam’s lost rib today. And he did it in front of an audience.…
MARSHAL FOCH TURNS PLAYFUL ON 11/11
FUN WITH NUMBERS November 11, 1918, 5:00 A.M. Compiègne, France After four long years of war, Marshal Ferdinand Foch, Supreme Commander of the Allied Armies, has decided it’s time for…